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quite a phallic thing to say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

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quite a phallic thing to say
Updating my lj doesn't happen often anymore, I really don't know if it ever did. I have no idea if anyone even reads this anymore, like agirl_gonemad or viridian5 or anyone else. I don't know. I glance at my lj flist often, but rarely reply. I need to work on that. I need to work on having better self-esteem. On believing anyone actually likes and cares about me. But it's hard. What if I can't do it? What if I have a hard time with it, and the people who do like and care about me get impatient and leave?

I have a stupid brain. It might not be true, but I feel like that often.

I don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or anything like that. The last boyfriend I had dumped me for reasons I don't really get, and the only people who really ask me out lately are super creepy or strange. But if that is all I am getting, maybe I should settle for that. No.

That too, is dumb.

I don't have a lot of loan aid left, though I think I am ok on pell. Not sure what that'll mean after next semester or the next.

Caitlin is a good friend, my best friend and sometimes I worry that I will say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and she will not want to be my friend anymore. I don't just like her because we write well together, she has helped me out a lot over the years, emotionally and so forth. I hope that I have been some help to her. But who can say?

I have been catching up with a lot of people I knew pre-internet on Facebook, and I am finding it strange. A lot of people are very succesful, a few are not. Most of them are no longer in Michigan. Most of them are republican and/or super religious. Some of them are not.

It's odd when you are talking to someone you knew from Rocky Horror, and they are super anti-gun control and anti-gay marriage. What's that about?

This is ranty. This is weird. I should delete this, but I also think I shouldn't.

I'm working at decorating the house again at least, that's a good thing. I'm starting with replacing the crappy venitian blinds on the main window with curtains, but there is no curtain pole. I suck at installing hardware, so I am putting up 3M hooks and curtain clips.
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